#SelfConfidenceSaturday

Yesterday a new hashtag was born, #SelfConfidenceSaturday. Thank those who inspire you. Podcasting is, for many of us, a semi-solitary thing, where you have a LOT of time to yourself to be creative. If you're a remote voice actor that might be your recording time or your prep time for a recording. If you're a writer, it could be all the time. If you're an editor it's while you wait for the export bar to hit 100%, or the moments where you finally hit listener's fatigue and have to take the headphones off. If you're a producer or sole-creator it's very likely the before/during/after of your emails, messages, and social media posts, and the deafening silence after you post an episode. These quiet times often jump between relaxation, pride, or stressful anxiety depending on your mental state in that exact moment. While it's easy to chuckle at something like a hashtag for self-confidence and dismiss it, the reality is that there's a great deal of self-doubt and uncertainty in all of us, and sometimes banding together with other people who feel the same way is reassuring.

It's been over a year since I've written anything, and I'd like Sean Howard (Alba Salix) for inspiring me to do so again with his own post on the topic.

I'd like to thank K.A. Statz for introducing me to podcast and being my co-creator. Everything I've ever done in podcasting is because of her. She suggested that we listen to the NoSleep podcast one day and it's been our favorite show ever since. We've listened to 9 seasons together, through chores, multiple cross-country car rides, and adventures, and I'm also thankful to the creators of NoSleep, David Cummings, Jeff Clement, Brandon Boone, Peter Lewis, David Ault, Nikolle Doolin, Jessica Sanderson, Jessic McEvoy, Erica Sanderson, Jesse Cornette, Mike Delgaudio, Nichole Goodnight, and the many many more voices and people involved (Kristin). The above people are household names to us (those are literally just the names I could remember in under 30 seconds) and that show has been an endless source of entertainment and inspiration for us. It's insane that a few of the above people have actually talked with me, and that two or three have even been party to my scheming. Mr. Cummings has also been extremely generous to us in lending his voice and voicing his endorsement of our shows on a few occasions, even going so far as to allow us to join NoSleep on a stop on their tour in New York City... a show we already had tickets to see prior to our involvement. Cummings has consistently been a champion of horror and helped quite a few other shows as well. The NoSleep folks - Cummings, Lewis, and Ault are also responsible for our current move to Portland, Oregon, because had it not been for their live tour in 2016 we would have never made time to fly to the pacific northwest and fall in love with it... but I'm getting chronologically ahead of myself.

Two additional thanks to David Ault and Peter Lewis in particular. Now, some part of me knows that they're not actually as famous and well-know to everyone on the same level as say, Stalone, but my brain still can't register the difference. Peter agreed to be a voice on our very first show in the very first season and somehow we interacted more and more until we became friends... Ault on the other hand was a fan of Liberty well before I even knew that he was THE David Ault. Once I made that connection my world was forever sundered and after a very long time I got the courage to email him. Somehow we also became friends. I could not be more thankful for them both and their support in specific has really motivated me to keep going.

Statz and I were podcasting for about 4 months from our Oxford flat when we got a weird message from an 'Audio Drama' aficionado named Steve Schneider, who had a similar message to Morpheus from the Matrix... I could either continue living inside a bubble (similarly to Laurence Fishburne we were unaware of other audio dramas when we were working on our first season), or talk to him and learn more about the greater world of audio drama. Steve is a very discerning listener of audio drama (he was the first person to introduce me to the term) and in addition to some pretty brutal feedback which helped me grow as a producer/editor, he introduced us to the Audio Drama Production Podcast facebook group, which has served as a sort of internet home for me ever since. He gave me lists of shows that I had to listen to: Edict Zero, Audioblivious Productions, and later shows like Blood Culture and The Walk, and despite being a Level 99 conversation starter and boarderline troll (with the interest of sparking positive ideas and change) at times, he's been an amazing help for my personal journey.

Some time after I met quite a few really great individuals through the ADPP, Sarah G., Fiona, Sarah who's last name I'm still ambiguous on which I should use in this context, Matt, Pete, Pacific, Austin, Paul, and Kessi. They've been sounding boards, volunteers, victims, advisers, and people who's journeys are very similar to our own. I also met Jon Grilz, who is another one of those people with such a huge heart for the community, who has always made the time for me when I've needed it, and who inspires me through everything he does. This sounds weird to say but with a lot of people in the ADPP their victories are my victories. Sure that's not the case with everyone (and I probably don't get along with everyone out there), but if Jon or Kessi or Matt or Pacific S. Obadiah (who gets the award for friend with the coolest name) win an award or get featured in a blog or get signed to a network I feel like i'm right there with them. I'm proud with them. I'm celebrating with them.
I don't always have a reason to celebrate the things I'm up to and seeing that my peers can be successful gives me something to smile about and has shown me what to dream for in my own future.

One of the people I also really need to thank the most is my buddy @TerminallyNerdy, whose mortal name I'm never sure if I should use or keep secret. He's been a long time friend who's guided me through some of the darkest times in my life, and he is always posting something genuinely fascinating and motivating and absolutely super-nerdy-niche to the point where I have no idea what he's talking about (and I'm a pretty deep-end level nerd) every single day. Terminally's endless positivity, guidance, and friendship in podcasting, social media, and life in general, (and some pretty sweet video game recommendations) help me overcome myself in the really dark moments of crippling self-doubt. Surrounding yourself with things you enjoy, and people who are beacons of motivation like @TerminallyNerdy are also really helpful toward avoiding those really dark moments for longer and longer stretches of time.... Seriously though, follow him on twitter. You'll see what I mean... and no joke, he's even nicer in person.

Last year, at Podcon, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting someone who's had a huge impact on my wife, and who I was personally a fan of, Sarah Werner. It's sort of weird to say that you can become instant friends with someone you've never technically met before but who's podcast you listen to, but it happened. Sarah (and James!) unknowingly helped me get through a fairly difficult weekend, and have done so multiple times. I have a few social issues, most people do, and having a friend at the event next to me the whole time was a big deal for me. I feel like it was how I got through it. But it's more than just three days (or six if you include other events), I'm really thankful because Sarah is the person in the AD community whom is the perfect peer. I feel like we're on the exact same level, working through the exact same issues. If life were an MMO she'd be the Warlock and Statz and I are the Rogue/Pally friendship combo. We can chat about life, travels, things that are frustrating, things that are amazing, new things that work, things that we try that don't, etc, and we all get better all the time because we talk about it and we brainstorm plans to take over the world. It's a heck of a lot of fun because in my day-to-day real world I have no one else who really relates. Thank you Sarah. I really value our friendship and hope that this doesn't belittle it to strictly 'peer'... I know it won't, but still feel the need to clarify.

Finally, I'd like to jump ahead to Hem and Eyþór, who have somehow become dear friends (despite what the TSA might have to say), and who have really pushed me to do more in the TTRPG world in a good way. Eyþór has really helped make our shows possible, at least from my perspective, and I am so very grateful for his help, support, mead, and friendship. That show is the most successful thing I've ever been a part of, and it has opened up many doors for all of us. Hem (who I see as Eyþór's sister despite them being born to different parents on different islands) has given me guidance on how to make TTRPG podcasts I work on not suck, and her optimism and support has counterbalanced the negativity I've received from many other places in that regard. Quite simply, there are days I have really considered giving up on such projects and each time she's talked me down from the ledge. Confidence isn't an all or nothing victory, and each time I'm able to build it back up and get back to creating is a great day for me. Thank you for that, guys.

Sorry this wound up being so long.
#SorryNotSorry